How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.

From Lawyer Jokes and Cartoons

There are a lot of lawyer jokes out there and most of them accuse lawyers for being cold, heartless, manipulative, and greedy. And yet, a lawyer is what I aspire to be.

I didn’t always want to do this. Over the years I wanted to be a cashier, a nurse, an astronomer, a pilot, an editor, a codebreaker, and many other occupations. My decision to become a lawyer didn’t come until halfway of my senior year in high school, a little over a year ago. Before then, I was determined to work for a government agency, particularly the FBI. I was fascinated by the grim, yet romantic, life of an agent: taking on the big cases and bringing criminals to justice. There was a full-ride scholarship program sponsored by the FBI that I was planning to apply for, but when my father and I made a phone call to the program with questions, we found that what the FBI needed today might not be what they need tomorrow and that job security wasn’t guaranteed. I decided that the FBI wasn’t the place for me.

After the phone call, over lunch, my dad suggested I become a lawyer. By doing so, I’d be on the other side of the justice system: the courtroom. It was a possibility that had never occurred to me, but the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense. I would have job security, I would work in a professional environment, and, best of all, I would be able to spend my college years studying something I absolutely love: English. Not too long afterward, a letter came in the mail offering me a half-tuition scholarship at a local university. It was like all the pieces came together and formed a clear-cut path to a bright future. I knew for certain that this is what I was meant to do.

Funny thing is, if you knew me in person, I’m probably the last person you’d ever think of being a lawyer. I watch cartoons and gush over cute things. I wear bright colors and see the world with an optimistic view. I’m nothing like the stern, severe women that most people conjure up when thinking of female lawyers. In fact, one of my goals is to break that stereotype. I want to be the attorney who knows all the paralegals, secretaries, and interns by name and remembers their birthdays. I want to be the attorney who makes muffins for everyone in the law firm. I want to prove that not all lawyers are callous snakes.

Being a lawyer is more than just proving something to the world, but also proving something to myself. I’ve always been fascinated by strong female characters in books and movies because that’s what I want to be. Right now I’m a very quiet and passive person. I want to change that. I want to become a powerhouse woman. A girl with gumption. Someone who takes the situation by the reins and makes her own endings. I want to be someone like Megyn Kelly. She works in journalism now, but she was once an attorney. She’s beautiful, intelligent, and kind, but when she gets into a debate, she’s a force to be reckoned with.

I know that the LSAT, law school, and the bar exam will be difficult. Even today, my law classes test my ability and push me to my limits. But I see it as a challenge. I know exactly where I want to be in life and I’m willing to handle anything this path throws at me. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right?

One more joke for the road:

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a pit bull?

Jewelry.

From Lawyer Jokes and Cartoons

Damn right.